Don't

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon." ~ Brandt Paul 

Quotes From Mom

In an e-mail from my mom on a business trip in Norway she writes:

"When u r so far away and had yucky fish and a vodka gimlet you get all sappy about the precious gifts m I am not drumk I just want you to get it like the rent song no regrets and no day like today."

Quote of the Day

"The greatness of humanity is not in being human, but in being humane." 

— Mahatma Gandhi

Wise Words from Deepak Chopra

Very often we fall into ruts in our lives; we maintain the same routines and act in the same manner predictably day after day.  We set our minds in a certain course of action, and simply proceed.  How can miracles happen if we march mindlessly, unthinking and unaware, through our lives?  Coincidences are like road flares, calling our attention to something important in our lives, glimpses of what goes on beyond everyday distractions.  We can choose to ignore those flares and hurry on, or we can pay attention to them and live out the miracle that is waiting for us.  

The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire by Deepak Chopra

Stupid Post of the Night

Jen and I were watching Charm School with Ricki Lake last night and OHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GGGGDDDDDDDDD it was the most stomachachinglyfunniest thing I have seen in years! My favorite quote so far was from one of the girlz when they were trying to make a group of kids burn as many calories as possible. Besides the kids that were hysterical on camera interviews, the quote of the night was "Ugh I hate children! Like, grow up!" Wow.

Quote That

"Obama is the most powerful black man in the world and he's still in government housing." - Twitter

Cindy Adams Says

So Liza's telling me: "I started out making scenery, painting flats. Being in a theater is the most exciting thing in my life." Midway a stranger interrupted to blaah endlessly on how thrilling to meet her in person. Eyes glazed over, Liza turned back to me with: "So, anyway, she gave him the $30,000." Staring at her, I asked: "What the hell are you talking about?" When the fan finally left, Liza grinned: "Years ago my godmother, Kay Thompson, taught me: 'When you need to shake some pest, just tell whomever you're with, 'So, anyway, she gave him the $30,000.' It gets you out of any corner."

Quote from Law and Order: SVU

"So since I helped you find him, do I get the reward?" - Pot Smoker
Belzer throws a buck at him and says "There ya go. Go buy yaself a blunt."

Overheard on 14th and 8th

Pam, Jen and I were walking down 14th and right before 8th Avenue, these two guys whizzed by us. Then we heard screaming and look up at a stoop and there is this woman crying and screaming in Spanish. We were laughing and kept walking and then realized she was following us. We turned around to see her walking with this guy, in a suit, probably her pimp. She was still screaming in Spanish but then, as we were crossing the street, and we were watching everyone watch her as she passed by us, she starts screaming "I'm gunna take them to court! I'm gunna take those mother fuckers to court! I'm calling 1-800-LAWYERS!" Just to add fuel to the fire, I also saw a man without a shirt on later in the day, just staring up at the buildings in Curry Hill. Awesome.

Overheard in Wal Mart Long Island

Customer asking employee about a new cart she was grabbing because the one she originally took was broken: "Does it roll well?"

Employee: "Like a Cadillac."

Ironic TV

"I am a very private person." - Kelly from Real Housewives of NY. A REALITY show.

Forgive me if I am confused but isn't signing up to be on a reality show he complete opposite of being a private person? Hmmm

Not So Overheard, It Was My Friend

Pam to cab driver "Are you from Bangledesh?"
Cab driver in foreign accent "No, Brooklyn!"

I'm not sure if that was funnier or if the cab ride home from my birthday party that night was. The driver purred and barked while Brooke blew her face into the glass divider and laughed the entire way home only to tell the man she farted as she exited.

Office Quotes Book 2

"I met a great photographer, not the one I told you about but he was so nice and then someone told me to go to the palm reader who was so nice and I should be nicer."

"As Boy George always said, a hole in the dark is a hole in the dark."

"Does anyone need anything?"
Response was "Look in that gossip mag for that fashion thing."

"You guys make packages, do you have any string?"

"I dont have rape face, YOU have rape face."
"You have rape hair."
"Yea, cuz my hair looked at his rapeface."

"An email address that is, yaheiness, a p.s. in her email, a note saying her name was Angel when her resume says Venssa. Sure i'll bring her in for an interview."

Office Quotes Chapter 4

Via IM sent to the wrong person (not even the entire thing):


Response to the IM: "This is Chris."

"The President is here and I was just told by secret service that he would light me up like swiss cheese!"

"So, what's the deal with maternity leave?"

Bossman "Do you have the address for 555 Park? Can you please make sure my assistant has it? What is the addres for 555 Park anyway? Please make sure everyone knows." Can you guess what the address is?

Me: "This is kinda cool. This girl lives in LA but works NY hours. So she avoids traffic cuz shes going into work at like 12pm every day."
Chris: "Um, no that means she goes in at 6am."

Office Quotes Chapter 3.1

M: Do you want Lennys?
S: What is Lennys?
M: Its the place we order breakfast from every single day.
S: So they dont have Propel?

Sirhc to bosses maid: He needs you in the kitchen. He lost his pants.


At a cancer research benefit concert from a girl who got yelled at for smoking: This concert is about cancer for Christ sake! We should be allowed to smoke weed!

Quality

"Bruises are the new accessory this season,"

Only In New York

On the N subway during morning rush hour. Crowd comes pouring in on 59th and Lex. All's fairly quiet except one women.

"Bitch no you dont get no room. This ainchyo house! Fuck you motha fucka! This aint cho house! I aint got to give you shit let alone room! Pa leeze."

R.I.P.

Bye Bye Astroland. My dad used to take us to Coney Island when we were super young. I never rode on the Cyclone but we would go just so my dad and brother could. Guess I never ever will.


Bye Bye Rent. I saw Rent 6 or 7 times. The first time was with my friend Harper. Then we went to go see it in camp which was amazing because thats all we sang on the bus and in the cabin. Then we went for Harper's Sweet 16. Then a couple more times. I always said they should film the show and make a "movie" and sure enough they actually made a movie. I hear they filmed the last show. I'll have to get on that. Fabulous fabulous show.

Some favorite lyrics...

December 24th, 1989, 9 PM, Eastern Standard Time. From here on in, I shoot without a script. See if anything comes of it, instead of my old shit.

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today!"

To hand crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese. To leather, to dildoes, to curry vindaloo. To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou.
Emotion, devotion to causing a commotion. Creation, vacation...
Mucho masturbation.

I've gotta get outta here! It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck being packed in with fertilizer, and fuel oil. Pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse. I've gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta find a way... to jump over the moon.

How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart? It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out till you're torn apart.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. How do you measure the life of a woman or a man? Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear. Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love... seasons of love.

And my favorite song, Take Me!

Office Quotes Chapter 3

Yendys leaving a message, “Hi George, I know you're in town and wanted to try to come see you..."
FYI - George as in Boy George

Yendys, “How long does it take to get to the salon?”
“Which salon?”
“I dunno, any salon.”
“Ummm?”

Asilam, "I threw up on the Lux Liner!"

Lunch delivery was called at 12:20 and it came at 2:11. The first time they were called to check up, they said it was cold but they were still sending it. When he finally showed up, he fell into the door and laughed and said he broke his head. Nairb asked if he had any idea and he replied, "NO ID".

Accounting – "If anyone asks, just say he who shall not be named asked you to do this."

The picnic list:
Jameson
Meat
Smores
Pop rocks
Cheeseburgers

Yendys, "You know whos a really fat cokehead?"

Office Quotes Chapter 2

Yendys “I was in this restaurant, and I drink vinegar and eat salt.”
Knah “Wait you don’t literlly drink vinegar though?”
Yendys "Yes I do, I like it and drink it."

Knah "Well one time when my mom was sick and dying, she had her hair permed and it became curly forever."

Yendys “Nairb, my husband is extremely jealous that you work here. That a striaght male works here. But I told him he had nothing to worry about. But hes still furious.”

Yendys "You got 44 pound cat on something but you cant get something real!" - no idea what this was in reference to