It is very interesting to me to see how being unemployed has become this evolving subculture I am surrounded in right now. To see how everyone deals with it, the process, the evolution.
The first two months you are almost refreshed. You are excited, feel motivated. You spend tons of time exploring, walking every street in the city and just thinking. You shop all the shops and see all the sites.
Then you’ve walked every street there is. The funds start to run low. Ramen remakes its way into your life. You stop going out in the day so you don’t spend money. Happy hours, crashing events and flirting for free goodies becomes your new religion. You start reading up on creative ways to save/spend money and learn to love the term “recessionista”.
Then it turns into doubt and desperation and fear and depression. Doubt because you aren’t even getting rejection emails. Then you just start to say things to get any attention whatsoever. You think you are crossing the line when you are posting your resume on twitter, emailing people who know people who know people.
You also start considering jobs you never would have considered before. You suddenly find you're applying to anything and everything and questioning what the point in your college degree was for. Waitressing? Dog walking? But then you don’t get responses from that and it’s depressing to think you aren’t good enough to do an illegal aliens job or to clean up someone else’s dog's poop.
You question life and destiny and anything else because you can’t help it. What if I made the wrong decision, what if this, what if that. I am still struggling with this. I have been a firm believer in everything happening for a reason and I still am for the most part, but it is hard to not question when you don’t see where this is going. If I hadn’t quit Couri’s to go to Israel, I would have never met David for example. Before I met him, I questioned if I had made that right choice, and in hindsight I know I did. But even if you make the wrong decision, it’s not the end of the world and that is the beauty of it.
Then you realize you aren’t the only one doing this. This job hunt has become a war, and war has no rules. No it is not fair that a bad economic state, that has nothing to do with your choices, are forcing you to question your passions in life. Don't get me wrong, I think the human race needed a reality check but I refuse to let that be an excuse to settle and therefore I don’t care if I seem desperate. I am fucking desperate...to do what I love doing. There is nothing wrong with that.
So now what? Keep on truckin! As I read in NYMag, people are striking up conversations that otherwise wouldn’t have been started, in their newly free and leisurely time. Putting aside the fact that some people are just weird, the worst that can happen is that they can not help you in any way, but you had a nice conversation with someone and perhaps made a friend. You are keeping yourself social, which is something that can truly be missed when you become an unemployed hermit.
Note to all though, being unemployed is much better in the summer then winter. You can get out of the house, meet more people, do more things. I picked the wrong time to be unemployed.
Which brings me to the present. A part time office managers assistant/hostess at a restaurant I used to do PR for. I know HOW I got from Account Executive to this, but it doesn't mean I am happy about it. There is no reason I should be struggling like this. I am a smart, hardworking, passionate person whos life is going backwards. I'm not giving up yet. Things will work out. They have to. In the meantime I am fortunate enough to have loving and very supportive people in my life that I am so thankful for. Hopefully I can update this evolution shortly with the final paragraph ending in success.
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